Another year older

Well yesterday was my 34th birthday and it felt like anyother day to me,,,aside from the fact I got to control the tv remote :). I woke up expecting to feel older but nothing just nothing,,and for an hour or so I was actually into the concept of my bday and that got squashed real quick the second I walked into to work and got fussed out for trying to celebrate my day by wearing a bday sash. I normally dont let stuff affect me as much as that did but it really ruined my day so there I was standing in a funk trying to smile and take care of my customers but I just wasn't feeling it at all but damn if I didn't plaster a big old plastic smile on my face and finish my day and noone even knew it was anyother day than a normal Friday in out hood .
All in all my bday has become a very bittersweet day in my life since my 28th bday cuz that was the last bday I spent with my mom and she died about a month later from a sudden heart attack at work. Then 2 years after that my gma passed away and other than my husband and son it hit me I have no family to celebrate with anymore,,,depressing yes but I try not to let it overcome me even as much as I want it too.  This year though this year it won,,,another year older and a lot more wiser,,wiser to the fact that I need to move on and find me again,,wiser to the fact that its not healthy to allow myself to wallow in this depression anymore so as my sollum vow to myself I won't let it happen anymore I will get Teresa back and get her back with a vengence ok late 30s be prepared I'm commin for ya !!!!

the 14yr old blues

i cant believe i have a 14yr old sometimes,,it feels like yesterday i was holding him after he was born and just in awe of how beautiful and amazing he was,,now im just in awe i have such an amazing kid. He's in 9th grade has a 4.0 gpa, plays baseball, loves his friends (and the girls but he wont admit that to me) and loves his family. He is by far the best thing that ever happened to me,,lets just say my life before him wasnt on the best path ever i mean i wasnt a druggie or hooker or anything but i wasnt the best person either, but the sec i looked into his eyes my whole life made sense,,,i was meant to be his mommie and he was meant to be my angel my savior.
As the years have gone bye i have loved watching him grow into the young man he is so loving, caring, helpful and never gives us trouble,,,i dunno how i got such an amazing kid god def blessed me and his daddy big time. It hit me yesterday that in 4 or so years my role of mommy and provider will drastically change,,he will be spreading his wings and going out into the world to find is own way and while i know whatever he does i wi be proud it kinda hurts that it will be over,,,ive loved every sec of being his mom and while i look foreward to watching ever sec of his adult life unfold i cant help but think of the first time i met him June 30th and looked into those eyes and fell inlove with my babyboy. *sigh* i guess u can say i have the 14yr old blues.